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The
Devotee
Issue:
Part II - The Opposing
View
Ian
Gregson
The July edition featured an
interview with two supporters of
the devotee "movement". This
issue features a chat with three
people with opposing views to
those in July.
Carol Wallace is an amputee
counsellor and author
Peter and Gracie Rossenberger
are two of the ACA's higher
profile members, Gracie is a
board member of the ACA.
Related Links:
Part
One - July Issue
Words
from Carol
Wallace
This is a very
difficult topic for me as I try
to remain as objective as
possible with human behaviors
that do not fit within what we
define as the norm. My opinions
on this topic have been forming
since the early 1970's when I
first read about the "attraction"
in my husband's favorite reading
material, Penthouse Magazine. Men
were writing in asking that a one
legged women be posed in the
magazine. Although it was
recommended that my leg be
amputated I was still trying to
avoid doing so. I remember being
so excited because someone would
still find me attractive with one
leg. Then after reading the
letters to the editor over
several months, I became sickened
and disillusioned when I figured
out this attraction was really
what I referred to at the time as
a fetish.
Having talked
with many devotees, listening
with interest and at times
disgust, at their
rationalizations of who and what
they are, I often hear them
compare themselves with the gay
population.that they just want to
come out of the closet and be
accepted. As one of my lesbian
friends pointed out gay people
seek out their own and don't pray
on the victimization of others.
Well, like it or not the closet
has opened and they are tumbling
out all over the floor. Accepted?
Well, that's another
story.
They come in
all shapes, sizes, colors,
varying intellectual and
emotional levels, and different
degrees of aggressiveness. They
come with all kinds of excuses to
rationalize their "attraction"
and "behavior" because they don't
want to admit or take
responsibility for a severely
dysfunctional aspect of their
personalities. When asked if they
have ever gone for counseling to
help them with their "problem"
most said they were happy with
themselves and didn't see their
"fascination" as a
problem...their biggest problem
being that we amputees don't
accept them as kind, caring,
wonderful people who like to
sexualize and objectify what's
left of a very precious piece of
ourbody. A part that was taken
away in one of several hideous
ways, devastating our lives and
the lives of those around us. A
part of us that we still miss
today. A part of us that helped
identify who and what we were and
could do that we had to find all
over again. They ignore what we
had to go through and so we can
provide them with their visual
and sexual pleasure.
Amputees often
compare devotees with pedophiles.
Should we say. "Oh the poor
things they are so
misunderstood.they just want to
come out of the closet and be
accepted as they are." Wrong!
Devotees use amputees in their
fantasies to get themselves
off...just like pedophiles. They
try to touch us inappropriately
through physical pats and view
photographs of us for their
sexual pleasure. They emotionally
violate us by pretending to be
someone they aren't so they can
seduce us. They use positions of
power to touch us and then charge
our insurance companies for their
services. They unknowingly take
our picture and then sell it or
put it on the Internet like
pieces of smut. Are these the
same things pedophiles do to
children? And they say they are
feeling misunderstood yet they
could care less about how we feel
about what they are doing to
us.
If we all grew
back our limbs they would be out
the door just like someone who
watches their cute 38-24-36 get
fat. All their "good works" to
help the amputee community would
just go up in smoke. Their claim
to fame is how much they have
helped the amputee community.
I've also heard and read the
rationalizations by women who are
involved with these men. I still
feel that women who end up in
this kind of situation many times
doesn't know going in that the
man is a devotee. Some, and I'm
sure I'll hear from them, I don't
believe think enough of
themselves to hold out for an
emotionally healthy partner. I
know many, many men can't handle
one limb gone.my ex-husband being
one of them. I recognize the
availability of a quality man
gets slimmer with multiple limb
loss, but someone living with
that level of disability is even
more deserving of a loving and
honest relationship with a man
who values her as a whole person.
What level of trust can you have
with a man who might leave you
for a "prettier"
stump?
To be valued
because of physical "attributes"
is another of the arguments I
hear over and over. "It's no
different than when a man is
attracted to large breasts or a
certain shape of bottom" they
rationalize. Why would any women
want to be in a relationship with
a man who only values a physical
part of her? Yes, there needs to
be some chemistry and yes some
men and women like certain looks
but they would not leave if
something happened to that look.
Blondes turn gray with age, a
baby changes the shape and
weight, and limbs come off yet
the man stays he loves the whole
person. We need to educate women
that living alone can be just as
rewarding and fulfilling as
having a prince charming who
often turns out to be prince lets
use her for my own
needs.
Unfortunately,
there are some amputee women who
are allowing themselves to be
used by devotees sexually and by
posing for photographs for money.
Sadly for some they have no other
way to earn a living and there is
big money in selling of pictures.
Just like Playboy Magazine as
long as there are women who will
pose for the magazine there will
be men who will pay for it. Many
women don't feel they have any
choice except do what they can do
for money. Foreign women are a
target of devotees, who bring
them to the United States and set
them up as prostitutes for their
population to use. For many of
these women their new lifestyle
is a step above the way they were
living before coming here. Is
this also rationalized as
"helping" the amputee community?
Isn't it really exploitation of a
female amputee to further the
fantasies of the devotee
community?
Continued
here...
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Gracie
please tell us who you are and
what some of things you do
?
I'm singer/speaker and I perform
around the country. I serve on
the board of directors for the
ACA as well as the Limbs for Life
Foundation.
Let's
talk about your involvement with
the ACA - when you joined the ACA
did you know what a devotee was
?
No.
Did
the ACA make any attempt at
informing you of what a devotee
was?
Yes.
My first awareness was after the
Chicago convention at a dinner
with Mary Novotny, Ed Jeffries,
and Paddy Rossbach. That's when I
learned what a devotee is and the
concerns of the ACA.
What
are your concerns regarding
devotees in
general?
These are individuals who
are enamored with the maimed
bodies of human beings. They
repulse me. There is some
discussion as to "good devotees"
and bad devotees." The question I
put forth is..."Would you let
your amputee child be alone with
a known devotee?" If not why
not?
My concerns
are as follows:
A. I feel the presence of
devotees will keep current and
future members away from
involvement with the ACA. Peter
has already stated to me that he
will not allow me to attend any
public ACA function without an
escort.
B. Someone who
has gone through the trauma of
losing a limb ( or limbs) and
works up the courage to come to a
meeting should not have to deal
with this issue. An ACA meeting
should be a safe environment and
unaccompanied women in particular
should not have to worry about
walking to their room unescorted,
going to the pool and having
deviants take their pictures, or
even sitting in a bar and having
a conversation with
friends.
C. With more
and more children involved, I am
deeply concerned regarding
possible attempts to interact
with the children.
D. I feel the
Internet has brought these
individuals together in a more
powerful way. I feel the only
defense we as amputees have is to
bring devotees out into the
light, and expose them for what
they are...People who get off on
maimed human bodies. I don't care
how it is dressed up or how
"caring" the person purports to
be, the bottom line is that these
people get off on limb-loss. I am
a whole person and I have worked
hard to overcome my limb-loss.
The last thing I want to deal
with is a deviant who gets off on
the very thing that caused me
such pain.
And
regarding the participation of
devotees in the
ACA?
Speaking only for myself,
and not in any way for the ACA, I
feel that devotees have no place
whatsoever in the ACA.
Peter
- you had an "interaction" with a
known devotee at the last ACA
convention in Orlando - can you
explain what
happened?
A known devotee
approached Gracie in the hotel
bar, put his hand on her shoulder
and leaned close to her to ask
her an innocuous question. When I
saw him talking to her, I rudely
told him to get away from her. My
reasoning was this...his hand was
on her shoulder, he is a known
devotee, and I was livid for him
to be touching her. A verbal
altercation ensued where he made
all types of comments such as,
"I'm not the guy in the bushes
taking pictures," and "You people
treat me like crap and I'm just
like you; a caregiver." I told
him I didn't care, it wasn't the
issue and I simply didn't want
him anywhere around my wife. At
one point, I thought it would be
resolved peacefully, but then he
became more agitated and started
spewing profanities and
accusations. At that point
another ACA member stepped in and
a physical altercation began
between the other member and the
devotee that was quickly broken
up by the bartender. He has since
written a letter to the board in
which he makes numerous false
statements regarding the
incident, which I clearly refuted
to the board. In addition,
several witnesses were present to
corroborate my account of the
incident. Incidentally, unknown
to me, had already approached
Gracie at the closing ceremonies
earlier that day. At both times,
Gracie was unaware that he was a
devotee.
And
as a result of this how do you
feel the ACA handled
it?
The board has had lengthy
discussions and we are still
waiting to see what actions will
be taken regarding this issue and
this particular
devotee.
What
should the ACA be doing to make
its membership more aware of
devotees
?
Frequent articles in In
Motion, as well as on the web.
More awareness at conventions.
Every new member that is unaware
of devotees, like we were, is a
potential target for these
individuals-- particularly the
single women that attend the
meetings.
If
you knew devotees took part in
ACA events, would you have been
involved with the ACA
?
Yes, I would be involved
in the ACA, but not in any event
were a known devotee was
participating and certainly not
in any event where a known
devotee was in leadership.I think
even worse than having to deal
with the general devotee
population is knowing there are
those in professional positions
who use us to feed their
fascination on a daily basis.
Yes, I've heard the
rationalization that much of
where we are today in the area of
prosthetics is do to prosthetists
with the "fascination". Well I
would personally rather be a
little further behind in
technology than to question and
squirm every time a prosthetist
touches me because I don't know
if he is or isn't a devotee. How
safe can we feel standing there
partially dressed, totally
vulnerable and exposed wondering
if there is a hidden camera
taking our picture that will end
up in next months "new
attractions" on the internet.
There are so many women whose
pictures have been taken without
their awareness that are now
being viewed and used for
fantasies by this population and
we have no way to stop this
hideous invasion of our privacy.
The good news is that as the
unethical prosthetists are being
identified and complaints are
being filed with the orthotics
and prosthetics licensing
association.
Carol
Wallace contd.
So
many times I've heard, "A few bad
ones ruin it for us good ones".
So what's a "good one"? Are you
considered a good one because you
silently instead of outwardly
prey on another's vulnerability
while lying about who you really
are hoping you won't get caught?
Or is it because you look for
excuses to be involved in the
amputee community claiming you
are making a contribution rather
than those who openly identify
what they want? Or is it because
you use us to stimulate yourself
sexually in the privacy of your
bathroom rather than openly stalk
us in public? Or because you
pretend to be our friend so you
can be physically closer to us?
Or is it when you make polite
conversation with us at our
conference hoping to find your
next unsuspecting
victim?
With the new
staff changes in at the ACA it's
disheartening to watch as some
devotees are being considered as
experts when they really have
their own agenda for being
involved. Often some of the most
knowledgeable people in the
amputee community are devotees.
They make amputation their life's
work and continually seek out new
ways to stay involved with us.
Attending conferences these days
feels like being in a "meat
market" as they hang around the
sidelines hoping to catch a
"glimpse" of our stumps. Some
women unknowingly wear clothing
that expose their stumps
providing the turn on they are
looking for. We are intruded
upon, stocked, stared at and
hustled by those who are not
there for the opportunity to be
with others who have experienced
the same loss but are there for a
sexual turn on. "Over-stimulated
to the point of emotional
shutdown" is how one devotee so
aptly described his experience of
seeing so many of us in one
place. How nice to know our loss
is some one else's
"overload".
I recently
ended a friendship which someone
who finally shared the truth.
Because I did get to know him
before I learned his "secret" I
heavily weighed his value as a
person and a friend. I tried to
accept him as he is but as time
went on it became more and more
difficult. I also realized I was
feeling betrayed that he had not
been honest with me from the
beginning and I began questioning
his motives for his involvement
in the amputee community. I
couldn't remain friends with him.
I realized my bottom line is I
can't accept nor do I want to
accept someone sexualizing and
objectifying a disfigured part of
my body resulting in a very
traumatic time in my life. I went
through a lot emotionally and
physically losing my leg and
struggling to win my battle with
cancer. To have others ignore
what the situation cost me in so
many areas of my life and turn it
into a sexual fantasy is a total
discount of who I am as a person
and minimizes the value of what I
lost.
Unfortunately
they are here to stay. I
personally plan to be less
involved in situations where they
raise their ugly faces. Hopefully
a more aggressive stance will be
taken on identifying devotees and
limiting their involvement in the
ACA. As women we need to be more
aggressive towards inappropriate
behavior by this population.
There are laws against stocking
and harassment in the private
sector and complaints can be
filed with professional
associations against
professionals. Women need to be
educated about this population so
they can make informed decisions
before becoming involved with a
devotee and to learn ways to
identify and protect themselves
from this population. If we make
it less easy for devotees to prey
on us it may help push them back
into the closet where they can
live happily ever after peeking
out of the keyhole.
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